Listen

The first letter of LEAPS stands for listen, a typically underdeveloped skill in most folks. I know that I’ve personally found this to be a challenge.

There was a time when I tried to sell insurance for a living — and while I probably wasn’t the absolute worst insurance salesman in the world, I certainly ranked in the bottom 5%. I had worked as a programmer for a life insurance company, and I knew about things like the mathematics behind insurance and annuities, and I knew the laws and principles of operation, etc. I went into sales thinking that any of that stuff actually mattered, and when I tried explaining all of these things to my potential clients, their eyes glazed over.

Listening (not explaining) is the most important skill that a good salesman must have. People have differing things that are important to them, and they differ in the way they want to be sold to. You just start talking, and you’ve killed the sale. A better approach is to ask the client what sorts of things are important to them, and listen carefully to the answer. You can then tailor the rest of your presentation to what is important to the client.

What does this have to do with non-violent conflict resolution? Quite a bit. The same skills that a professional salesperson uses, namely basic communication skills, can be used to de-fuse — or completely prevent — a potential conflict. And the door swings both ways. I would hope that most folks who are applying for a handgun license are already mature enough not to let a fender-bender escalate into a shootout, but learning to sell stuff better can help your everyday life, even if you aren’t a professional salesperson. After all, you have to sell yourself every day; you have to convince your boss that you are worth keeping. And in the current economy, that can be vital.

Next up: Empathize.